Men In Black vs. FBI (X-Files)
DBMiBXFilesShadow.png DBMiBXFiles.png D59qlav-a4f6f7b7-2e4d-468b-97c8-cbd0dd10ae5e.png This is a What-If Battle facing Men in Black against X-Files. What will happen when the best pairs of operatives from these popular sci-fi series are pitted against each other in a death battle? Interlude Jocelyn: They are iconic government agents specialized in the paranormal and extraterrestrials. Nick: Uh. Jos, shouldn’t Wiz and Boomstick be doing this? Jocelyn: They are the reasons nerds went UFO hunting and tugged on grandma’s face to see if it was a mask. Nick: W-well, I c-certainly didn’t do that. Jocelyn: Whether uncovering the truth about aliens or hiding it, these agents from our beloved sci-fi series are in the top of their field. Nick: Agent K and Agent J from MIB. Jocelyn: Agent Mulder and Agent Scully from X-Files. I’m Jocelyn the Intern. Nick: And I’m Nervous Nick. Jocelyn: And we’re here to analyze their weapons, suits, and skills to see who would win a Death Battle. M.I.B. (Agent K and Agent J) Nick: Okay. "Here’s the deal. At any given time, there are around 1500 aliens on our planet. Most of them in Manhattan. And most of them are decent enough. They’re just trying to make a living” (Men in Black). 1 Jocelyn: But then, there are some aliens that cause trouble ranging from smuggling illegal items to seeking planetary destruction. So, it is the job of the Men In Black, a secret government agency, to police alien activity and blow up interplanetary criminals all while keeping the general public in the dark. Nick: Starting off as a joke in the mid 1950’s, the alien agency became a serious one when seven agents, one astronomer, and one dumb kid who got lost made contact with an alien fugitive. One of those agents was known as Agent K. Jocelyn: Serious, by-the-book, and highly skilled, Agent K has been a highly valued operative. Saving Earth and even an alien race on multiple occasions, Agent K was practically a legend by the present time. His mind is super sharp for investigating the deceptive and convoluted alien activities with high accuracy. His nerves are beyond steel that he would travel down an alien cockroach’s stomach without hesitation. And he wields his guns like they are an extension of his hands with pinpoint accuracy even in his old age. Nick: Look at him casually zapping away Serleena’s tentacles while talking to Laura. A touching father-daughter mo- Oww! Why did you pinch me, Jos? Jocelyn: Then, the seasoned veteran inducted and trained a young, black NYPD officer. Nick: Will Smith... I mean, James Edwards ... the third. Most of us know him as Agent J. A foil to his mentor and partner, Agent J is impulsive and tends to make his own rules. Though he started off naive on the alien business, he became an excellent MIB agent in his own right. He is perceptive enough to notice something was odd about that little girl during the training course. He is tough enough to take three deadly spikes from Boris the Animal. He settles fights by his own unorthodox ways, like crushing a roach to agitate Edgar the Bug. And he can talk to aliens by beatboxing. ♪Bo Shucka Bo♫ Jocelyn: Fun fact, in the MIB comics, Agent J was originally white. Nick: What?! Jocelyn: Yeah! It was only because of Will Smith that J was changed to black. Nick: Where do you get this? Jocelyn: I do all the research nobody else wants to. Nick: Back on the subject, to combat alien threats, MIB needs alien gear. Like the Standard-Issue Sidearm called “the J2,” an energy handgun that makes aliens go boom. And the Tri Barrel Plasma Gun, a huge rifle for an even bigger boom. Jocelyn: Then there is the Noisy Cricket, a tiny pistol with big destructive power and an even bigger recoil. Remember, size does not matter, certainly not in the MIB universe. Though I’m sure Will Smith’s gun is impressive. Nick: Did you just do a Boomstick? Jocelyn: NO! Nick: Yes, you diiiid! Anyway, the tv series brought in some other nifty weapons. There is the Icer to quickly turn someone into an icicle. The Restrainer that shoots strong binding traps. And a few other guns that make things go boom. Jocelyn: Finally, let’s talk about the most iconic MIB tool: the Neuralyzer. With a flash, this device scans the human brain and erases memories allowing MIB to hide alien activity and themselves. Flash! Nick: You didn’t see an alien in the room. And Nick is the most handsome guy ever. Jocelyn: Ow! Nick, don’t flash your cameraphone right into my eye. Nick: But did you see an alien here? Jocelyn: There was never an alien here! Nick: It works! Jocelyn: Ugh! Together, Agent K and Agent J are an impressive force. They defeated all manners of aliens from gigantic roaches to tiny possessors. Nick: Quite impressive considering they are only humans lacking any superpowers except for their gear. Jocelyn: Though one episode of the animated series gave Agent J the powers of a Swiss Army knife. Nick: What?! Jocelyn: But the duo do have their flaws. Agent K is old. And Agent J is a cocky womanizer. And several times, aliens were able to pull a surprise move on them. Nick: But when the Earth needs saving, you can always count on them to save the day while wearing their suits and glasses. K: We are the best kept secret in the universe. We work for a highly funded yet unofficial government agency. Our mission is to monitor extraterrestrial activity on Earth. We are your best, last, and only line of defense. We work in secret, we exist in shadow. J: And we dress in black. ~ Men In Black Teaser Trailer X-Files (Agent Mulder and Agent Scully) Who do you think will win? M.I.B. X-Files Not Sure. It is too mysterious. Death Battle 1 Men in Black. Directed by Barry Sonnenfeld. Performances by Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith. Amblin Entertainment, 1997 Category:'Aliens' Themed Death Battles Category:Secret Agents Category:UFOMystery Category:'Gun Fights' Themed Death Battles Category:'Secret Agent' Themed Death Battle